Yesterday, via Wil Wheaton’s tumblr (WHEATON! *shakes fist at sky*) I discovered that Tumblr is not just a magical place where people who like everything that I like post hilarious pictures and clips from them. No, Tumblr is also a place where ladies can post pictures of their boobs.
This is not a pearl-clutching condemnation of the ladies with the visible boobs or the dudes who enjoy looking at them. Far from it.
This is a universal appeal to humanity.
People of Tumblr. Do you know how many blogs I follow which post things like “Eye Porn” or “the purple shirt of sex” or freaking “NOSE PORN” (Noel Fielding man, Noel Fielding). But while we heterosexual ladies are stuck here ogling pictures of our favorite celebrities and writing fan fictions about them having sex with each other, straight dudes can go tumblr and with very little effort, just find ACTUAL PORN.
I’m tired of this. Ladies, we obviously have raging sexualities which just aren’t getting the proper stimulation if we’re forced to create SIMS CHARACTERS that look like actors we like so we can watch them have sex.
Dudes, we demand satisfaction. NOEL FIELDING AND JULIAN BARRATT, MAKE OUT WITH EACHOTHER ALREADY. Alexander Skarsgard is legally not permitted to wear a shirt. David Tennant, get naked (but keep the glasses on please.) Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman? Stop being coy and just fuck already. I don’t even ship half of this stuff, but the fact that the ship exists speaks to a hell of a lot of sexual repression that I’m pissed off about.
We couldn’t have made ourselves more clear, internet. It’s about time you started listening.